Vaughan Jones

Inner Compass Counselling

psychotherapy for individuals & couples

becoming all you can be

You once believed that you were living a regular life with healthy goals and that you were working to bring it all together in a way where your goals were accomplished.

Maybe on the surface it appears that all your hard work is paying off… you have a great home, a great family, the kids are doing great at school, your career is progressing well and you are on track for your next promotion. Or maybe things are not there yet, but you know over time they will pan out OK.

The Feeling of “Something is Missing”

Despite the fact that things seem to be on track, something just doesn’t feel right. Beneath the surface you feel unsatisfied and distracted. You feel as if something is missing or you are missing out on something. What could this be? Its not something material, its almost like some sort of longing for more. Its hard to talk about it with your significant other and friends, because you don’t even understand it yourself.

You might have been feeling like this for a while and a real sense of emptiness or even loneliness has crept in. Activities and things that used to have your full attention have lost their appeal. Or unlike the scenario where things look good on the surface, maybe for you, they don’t look that great on the surface at all. This dissatisfaction has resulted in a loss of confidence and passion for life in general. This may have meant that you are “stuck in a rut” in an unhappy job, or it has stopped you from re-entering the workforce even though your family could really do with the extra income.

Mid Life Crisis?

Is this a mid-life crisis? It could be? How do you know what one looks like? For the purpose of this article, why don’t we agree that a mid-life crisis is a way to deal with the sense of emptiness. As humans, we often try to appease these strange feelings by distracting ourselves with external things such as a career change, a new car or motorbike, a new partner or even a recreation of our image.

Change is good, however, often internal change is more powerful than external change. Maybe the feelings that are churning inside is actually a “tap on the shoulder” from your inner self wanting to be acknowledged.

Abraham Maslow pointed out “we have, all of us, an impulse to improve ourselves, an impulse towards actualizing more of our potentialities, towards self-actualisation, or full humanness, or human fulfillment…”

You Are Not Alone

The way you feel is natural and it is not uncommon. You are not alone. You could describe it as transition from a job to a vocation. Often in the early stages of adult life we have situations that meet many of our needs. New careers, parenthood, relationships…all of these situations can provide a sense of achievement, new skills, growth, social esteem and independence. During this time, you also realised what you don’t like but quite possibly had to adapt your natural way of being to be able to fulfill certain roles.

A number of years later (this normally happens between the ages of 35 and 45 although it can happen sooner or later), your subconscious might start to question your life’s direction and purpose. That could be when you started to feel like something is missing.

Working with a number of clients over the years, we often see this situation. It happens to many people from all walks of life. Often a person may be in a great job with a great income and have all manner of material wealth, yet what is missing is a way for them to express themselves in fullness.

These feelings cannot be satisfied by working more hours, expanding a business or getting more things. We are dealing with internal matters here and need to work on achieving a sense of inner excitement and peace.

Achieving Inner Peace – Reality or Misnomer?

Can this be achieved? Be assured, it can be achieved. It is not something that normally happens overnight or via an intense one-day session. it is a gradual, “natural” process involving many aspects of a person.

One key step is becoming aware that you are “more than”. You are more than your job, your role, your profession. These things are what you do each day, they are not you.

This transitional phase of life asks a person to take some time to look inside and connect with untapped potential and allow this potential to be expressed. This expression will help the arrival at a place where one can say: “This is me, this is who I am and this is why I am here”.

Carl Jung a famous thought leader provided some insight into the process of discovering hidden potentials. He encouraged people to ask questions such as “What are the hidden inner drivers that truly motivate you?” and “What might be an internal obstacle that limits you?”

If you want to find out what your drivers and potentials are then I can assist. The journey is rewarding and it provides a safe and exciting way to navigate through the feelings of emptiness.

If you are ready to take a step forward to finding our more about yourself, discovering greater clarity and move away from the state of “somethings missing”, then get in touch to book an appointment.